SUE WARS
by Jade Snape-Holloway
Summary: Mary Sues invade Hogwarts and the girls fight back. Better then it sounds. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

SUE WARS.

SUMMERY: Mary Sues invade Hogwarts and turn all the boys into mindless zombies...or more so then they all ready are. Now it's up to the girls of Hogwarts to band together and stop them before it's to late!

CHAPTER 1: IT BEGENS.

//scrolling across the screen// Long ago there was an evil little fan girl named Mary Sue. She was so full of herself, and she was so into her fandoms, that she decided to put herself in a fan fiction. Only it wasn't the real Mary Sue...It was the 10000 TIMES AS EVIL LITTLE FREAK!  
She liked her creation so much that she created more and more, each one with a name more and more difficult to pronounce, but they were all the embodiment of evil. Each Sue was beautiful, smart, sweet, and so prefect that they became a threat to human life. But before Mary Sue's friends could alert the authorities about her monsters, it was to late. Mary had unleashed her demons on to an unsuspecting fan fiction web site, and the reign of terror began...  
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It was a normal day at Hogwarts. Harry and Ron were pretending to be dumb to get out of doing school work, Hermione was reading, Snape was eating a small child, and Dumbledore was getting high off something. Yep, everything was perfect untill..  
"I sense evil." Hermione said suddenly, looking up. All the other girls were looking around darkly for the source of the evil, too.  
"I don't. Mmmm, I smell roses, and chocolate, and lavender, and candy, and something citrusy.." Ron said sleepily.  
Hermione screamed and threw her book in the air, where it hit Harry on the head.  
"OH MY GOD! IT'S THE SURE SCENT OF A MARY SUE!" She shrieked. "EVERY BODY RUN! TAKE COVER! THEIR HERE! THEIR HEEEERRRRREEEEEEE!"  
But before anyone could do anything, the doors to the Great Hall opened gracefully, with a happy little sigh (yes, the doors sighed. That's one of the many things a Sue can do is make doors sigh).  
1000's of stunningly beautiful girls walked in a stunningly beautiful way into the Great Hall.  
"Hello," they all said in a beautiful yet creepy way.  
The one in the lead stepped up to Hermione, who shield her eyes from the light the Sue was giving off.  
"Hello Hermione. I am Mydea, your new best friend." She said.  
Hermione grabbed a fork and spoon and held them up like a cross. "DIE EVIL DEMONS!!"  
The Sues winced, but quickly regained composure.  
Mydea laughed a beautiful little laugh. "You silly girl! You think that will stop us?" //laugh//  
Hermione was growing dizzy from the Sues' radiance and she felt like the life was being drained out of her. She was on the verge of saying that she would let Mydea be her best friend when there was a loud CLANG. Mydea went cross-eyed and fell to the floor. Ginny was standing behind her, wearing sun glasses and holding a frying pan.  
"RRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!" She screamed.  
All the girls got up and started running for the exit.  
"COME ON!" She called to Harry and Ron, but they were blinded by the Sues' beauty and were crowding around to help Mydea.  
Hermione fought back tears and ran out of the Great Hall. "TO THE PANIC ROOM!" She yelled.  
"But we don't have a panic room!" Luna pointed out.  
"Then lets build one and then TO THE PANIC ROOM!" Hermione said.  
They quickly built a panic room and jumped in, right as the Sues were coming forward, chanting in those beautiful voices "we want to be your best friend!" and their shimmering hair was blowing behind them even though there was no wind.  
Hermione locked the trap door of the Panic Room and stood back with all the other girls.  
The Sues were pounding on the trap door, begging them to come out.  
"Wait!" Screamed Lavender Brown. "Mary Sues have super human everything! They can bust in here any time they want!"  
There were shocked mummers going around the Panic Room when suddenly, the pounding stopped.  
"What's going on?" Ginny whispered.  
"I think they gave up." Hermione breathed. "But still, there's no way we can go back out there."  
"What will they do to the boys?" Padma Patill asked.  
No one answered her.  
"We must fight." Hermione said in a low voice.  
"But how?" Ginny asked in a terrified whisper.  
"Well, first thing, we have to send up a spy. That girl will then tell us what they have done to the boys and they will plant this." Hermione pulled out a bug. There was a collective gasp from everyone else.  
"Where did you get that?!" Luna demanded.  
"I found it and thought it might come in handy. We need it up there so that we came hear whats going on." (duh) Hermione told them.  
"After that, we'll find a way to watch them. Oh, and I'll need a computer, to do research on them. First things first, though: Whose going to be the spy?"  
No one said anything. Then Ginny took a deep breath and said "I'll do it."  
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked.  
"Yes."  
"Alright then. Tonight you'll go up."

END OF CHAPTER 1.

END NOTES: YAY! Chapter 1! Next time, Ginny will go up to 'the outside world' and join the Sues. Will she survive? Will Hermione get her computer? Will you review? Find out next time on..SUE WARS! And by the way, Mydea's name is pronounced Muh-Dee-Ah.


	2. Chapter 2: It keeps going

SUE WARS  
CHAPTER 2: IT KEEPS GOING.

A/N: Hope you guys like this chapter!

12 HOURS AFTER WHERE WE LEFT OFF ON THE LAST CHAPTER...

All the girls in The Panic Room were busy making Ginny look Sueish enough to go out and spy.  
After 12 hours of doing her make up and hair, Hermione said she was ready. Besides, if Ginny got any more make up on, she would probably collapse.  
Any way, Ginny's hair was super shiny and she didn't even look like herself any more.  
"OK, Ginny, when you go out there, you are no longer Ginny Weasly, you are Ginevera Sue." Hermione said. "Are you ready?"  
"Yes." Ginny answered.  
As Ginny and Hermione made their way to the trap door, the other girls stood on both sides of them, giving them a salute.  
Hermione solemnly raised the door and carefully looked around for any Sues. She saw none.  
Ginny took the bugging device thingy and climbed out into the outside world.  
"As long as I have this door open, I should get my computer." Hermione thought. "ACCIO COMPUTER!"

MANY MILES AWAY IN THE NEAREST MUGGLE HOUSE...

A guy was sitting at his computer, doing something, when suddenly the computer began to shake.  
He got up as the little plugs and crap popped out of the wall.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" He dove out of the way just in time as the computer zoomed up and went crashing through the window.  
He stood there starring as the computer flew away into the night.

BACK IN THE PANIC ROOM...

Lavender Brown and Luna Lovegood were talking.  
Lavender turned towards the trap door just in time to be hit with a flying computer and thrown backwards.  
"Great! We finally have a computer!" Hermione said happily. "Hmm, maybe we should get a desk and chair, too. ACCIO COMPUTER DESK AND CHAIR!"

AGAIN AT THE MUGGLE HOUSE...

The poor guy was sitting at is desk, examining the wall for any ways the computer might have...escaped. He found nothing.  
Then his chair started shaking under him and the desk before him. He jumped up right when the desk and chair crashed through the wall and zoomed away.  
He hopped into his car and drove away as fast as he could.

IN THE PANIC ROOM...

Poor Lavender had just sat up when she was hit with the desk...then a chair.  
"Perfect!" Hermione said, closing the trap door. Then she went about the task of setting up the computer and installing AOL (it's true, AOL kinda sucks).  
With in no time Hermione had it up and running.  
"Wait a minute here!" Luna said. "How did she do that? And why does the computer work when no other electrical things work?"  
Author of this fic: I don't know...Just leave me alone, you big, stupid jerk//sobs//  
Anyway, now we will see Ginny's point of view...  
Ginevera walked quietly into the Great Hall. Inside she was met with a horrible sight: Countless Sues hanging on all the guys. Some were making out, others were just being incredibly, sickeningly cute.  
The boys looked different now. They seemed to be just an empty sack of skin with hollow eyes.  
As Ginevera walked, she caught sight of Ron, making out insanely with a red headed Sue. She shuddered.  
"Hello." said a friendly voice.  
Ginevera looked up and smiled. "H-hi." She said.  
"I'm Mydea." Mydea said. Ginevera thanked God that she didn't recognize her as the girl who hit her with a frying pan.  
"I don't remember you." Mydea said, looking beautifully puzzled.  
"Yeah, well, I was late." Ginevera said. She could have sworn that Mydea's eyes flashed red.  
"What's you name?"  
"Ginevera."  
"Well Ginevera, some of us decided we would have a dance." Mydea said.  
"Oh, is that allowd?" Ginevera asked.  
"Pro.Dumbledore doesn't seem to mind." Mydea pointed to Dumbledore.  
Ginevera almost screamed. Several Sues were laughing and talking to Dumbledore. Suddenly he swooped down and started making out with them.  
"Oh, uh, yeah, I'll come to the dance...Just let me change my clothes." Ginevera turned to walk away, but someone stepped in front of her. It was Harry.  
" My dearest Ginevera, I can not contain my love for you any longer! Will you marry me?" He begged.  
"Huh? No, no, see, I already have a boyfriend." Ginevera said.  
"Then I challenge him to a duel!" Harry said, pulling out a thin sword.  
"OK, let me go get him." And Ginevera ran off. She stopped right out side the door and taped the buggy thing to the door frame. Then she pulled out a beautiful rug and used it to cover the wire that was leading from the door to the Panic Room.  
As soon as she finished, she dove through the trap door into the Panic Room.  
"Are you OK?" Hermione asked, bringing her to the only chair.  
"I think so." Ginny sighed. Being around all those Sues had left her feeling very tired and drained."Is the bug working?"  
"Yes!" shouted Cho Chang, who was now wearing head phones and listening in on the Sues.  
"What about the boys?" Padma asked seriously.  
Ginny shook her head sadly. "Their gone."  
The room was filled with sobs at that little statement.  
"We must get through this." Hermione said, wiping her eyes. "Lets see what we can find out about those evil Sues!"

END NOTES: OK, next chapters will be better. Please review this one:)


	3. Chapter 3: Theres something about mary

SUE WARS.  
CHAPTER 3: THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (SUE).

A/N: Thank you kind reviewers!

Mydea was sitting on a throne in the new Sue Room petting her beautiful unicorn (unicorns were attracted to her).  
"Have you found any thing about those girls?" she asked the other Mary Sues in the room. They were having a secret meeting.  
"No, your Highness." A Sue said, throwing herself on the floor in front of Mydea.  
"Well, we have established that Ginevera was really Ginny Weasly, one of the girls that escaped." said a Sue with blue hair and silver eyes.  
"Very good, Electra." Mydea said approvingly. "Tell the others to watch out for that one."  
All together, the Sues said "Yes, Mydea."  
Fortunately, there was a suit of armor in that room that just happened to hold a tiny camera, so Hermione and the others were able to see and hear the Mary Sues.  
"I knew that camera I hid in there would come in handy!" Hermione said.  
"Now, why would Hermione have put a camera in there?" Ginny demanded. Then the auther of this fic came up and slapped her. "DON'T EVER QUESTION ME!" She screamed.  
"Anyway, this is perfect! Now we can even see them AND hear them!" Hermione said excitedly.  
"Yeah, but we still don't know what we're going to do about them." Luna pointed out. Everyone glared at her.  
"Must you ruin everything?" Hermione asked. "Anyway, we WILL know what to do about them after we google them!" And Hermione quickly typed 'Mary Sue' into the search engine.  
About a billion different web sites popped up...but only three were about what they were looking for. They all stared.  
"Ahem, who wants to go to Hermione said brightly. Once again she typed Mary Sue into the search thing and once again, things popped up.  
Hermione clicked on the first site, an encyclopedia definition of Sues.  
She scrolled down to the history of Sues. It said the same thing that was at the beginning of this fic, but with something extra: ' Mary Sue thought her characters should have some weakness, just to make them more interesting. So she designed them so that there was only one thing that would kill them and save the world forever: Unfortunately, she never said what that thing was.'  
There was a black and white picture of a 13 year old girl, who looked unbelievably evil. Under the picture it said 'The Evil Mary Sue.'  
"Well that doesn't help!" Someone whined.  
"Then lets keep looking!" Hermione said stubbornly.  
9 HOURS LATER...  
Hermione had dark circles under her eyes and they looked like this: 0.0  
She clicked on the very last web site, which was   
"Hermione, that's just some conspiracy theory site." Ginny said.  
"Well, obviously. I mean the name is 'they're all out to get me.'" Hermione said, clicking on it.  
Anyway, as soon as the site came up, they saw just how paranoid who ever ran this site was. There were links like 'If the government is controlling your mind, click here!'. 'Have your change turned into dollars so that planes flying over your house can't count how much money you have!', and tons more stupid things.  
At last they came across the link they needed: 'Mary Sues are taking over the world! Click here if you want to live!' Hermione quickly clicked there.  
What popped up was tons of things about the Sues, like 'The REAL way Sues are created,' 'The truth about Mary,' and finally, 'Everything you've ever wanted to know about Mary Sues.' Needless to say, Hermione clicked there.  
Hermione and Ginny gasped. Everything they ever wanted to know about Mary Sues was there!  
Hermione read ' Mary Sues are know for being perfect and all those lies, but most people aren't smart enough to know the truth: Mary Sues get their beauty from others!!! They will attack a place and hypnotize every man in their evil presence and suck the life out of them!!! And if there happens to be any girls around, they will slowly and painfully take all the beauty form them!!! That's where they get their brains, beauty, charming wit, and curves in all the right palaces! They will leave their victims a lifeless sack of skin and move on to find some other idiot!!!!! Fortunately, their beauty will be their downfall, just read on!!!'

END OF CHAPTER 3.

END NOTES: Well, that was short. Please, please, please review!!!


	4. Chapter 4: The battle

SUE WARS.  
CHAPTER 4: THE FINAL BATTLE. OR THE ONLY BATTLE.

Hermione woke the others who had fallen asleep in that time and told them all that she and Ginny had learned on that awesome conspiracy theory site.  
"Alright girls, we've got work to do." Hermione said, pacing around in front of the line of people with her hands behind her back. Suddenly, she reached out and pulled a string. A map of Hogwarts came rolling down.  
"We are here." Hermione whacked a certain spot on the map with a stick. "I have determined that the Mary Sues are here, here, here, and here." She hit the map with the stick in all those places.  
"Now are secret weapon can only be released in these rooms." she pointed to two rooms."Because the windows are high enough to prevent an escape. Some how we're going to have to get all the Sues in these rooms. Anyone got any ideas as to how we do that?" Hermione asked.  
Padma stepped up. "Permission to speak, sir? Um, Ma'am?"  
The more Hermione heard stuff like that, the more she liked it. "Yes, Padma?"  
"What if we just ran around and screamed really loud so that they would follow us into those rooms?" Padma asked.  
Hermione beamed at her. "That, Padma, is a horrible idea! You see, then some of us would be killed from The Secret Weapon because we'd be trapped in the same room with it."  
Ginny shook her head at Padma and turned to Hermione "We could trick all the boys into going into those rooms, that way the Mary Sues would follow and we could be ready with The you know what."   
Hermione smiled. "Now that is the type of thinking all of you should be doing! But we'll have to be careful, look at this." Hermione went over to the computer and brought her other camera that she had conveniently installed. The image on the screen was of two Sues standing in front of the trap door, holding machine guns.  
Hermione turned around. "See? Also, says that it's important to wear sunglasses around the Sues cause they can blind you with their beauty and radiance so here you go." Hermione gave all of them huge black sun glasses. "Alright now, Ginny, get the You Know What ready. We'll be leaving in just a few minutes."

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Luna climbed out of the trap door a while later. Everyone else had decided that she wasn't really useful so she could be the one to get the Sues away from the doors.  
The Sues aimed and shot at her, but she ran away, screaming.  
Hermione jumped out of the Panic Room, followed by everyone else.  
"OK, Ginny, you take the others and go to the dungeons. I'll send the guys down there." Hermione whispered. Ginny nodded and took off.  
Hermione took a deep breath and pushed the Great Hall doors open.  
The Sues were every where. Hermione could see that it was to late for some of the guys.  
"Oh God," She whispered, turning to Cho. "We don't have time for the plan, we have to go now!" Then she ran off into the crowd with some others following her. Once they had the weapon in the center of the room, Hermione gave the signal: She stood up on a table a screamed " RELEASE THE PIGEONS!!!"  
In a flurry of wings, the girls pulled open a cage and released the pigeons.  
Screams erupted in the hall and Mary Sues dove out of the way of the attacking birds.  
Hermione ran through the chaos, narrowly avoiding getting her head eaten off by a pigeon. She caught sight of Ron, who was screaming his lungs out. She grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out of the room.  
"MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" She yelled at the others, standing by the doors and pushing her friends out. Hermione and Cho pushed the doors shut on the screaming Sues, but not before they saw what the pigeons were doing: The insane birds were grabbing at the Mary Sues' hair, lifting them off the ground and everything.  
"What about the other guys?!?!" One of the girls sobbed.  
"The pigeons will leave them alone!" Hermione assured her.  
"Guys!" Someone gasped. The others turned around and saw Luna standing there.  
"Oh yeah, Luna! Yes, she died a true hero!" Hermione said dramatically.  
"I'm...not dead." Luna said.  
"Of course you are." And then Hermione ignored her the rest of the night.  
They waited until all the screams stopped to open the doors.  
Hermione popped her head through the door way and gasped. All over the room guys were sitting up and pushing tables and chairs off of themselves. The pigeons had made nests all over the ceiling of what looked a lot of Mary Sue hair. There were piles of dust in the shape of people all over the floor.  
"What happened?" Harry asked, brushing dust off his clothes.  
"We saved your unworthy lives." Hermione snapped.  
"How?" Asked Snape.  
"Well, we found this amazing web site that told us the secret to destroying the Sues: Their hair." Hermione said simply.  
"But the pigeons killed them." Some random boy pointed out.  
All the girls shook their heads pityingly at the boys stupidity.  
"No, no, silly boys. You know how Mary Sues are famous for their unnaturally shiny hair? Well, it just so happens that pigeons are attracted to shiny things. That's why they didn't hurt you guys, you have human hair." Hermione told them, very pleased by her own brilliance.  
"Wow." All the boys stared at her in awe.  
Then, someone coughed from the teachers' table.  
Hermione looked up and gasped. Dumbledore had unnaturally shiny hair! X0  
Dumbledore stood up, looking a mess.  
"Dumbledore, your alive!" They all sobbed with happiness.  
"Yes, I am. Now, I was going to expel you for bringing pigeons in here, but since you saved the world, 100 points to Griffyndor!"  
They all cheered and every body lived happily ever after!

END NOTES: Hope you guys liked that chapter! Please review!! And thank you, those who did review! D


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